Morgan's first day of pre-school was today. Everyone warned me its tougher on the parents. "No big deal", I thought to myself, she's gone to a mom's day out since she was two and I leave her everyday when I go to work. She'll be fine. I'll be fine.
Yea, not so much.
Today she also got a "big girl bed" My mom brought over a twin bed, as the little miss has outgrown her toddler bed.
Today was a really hard day.
I kinda lost it just a little bit after putting up the big girl bed, in the privacy of my own car as I drove to meet a friend for lunch. She's closing in on four. She's a big kid. My one and only child is not a baby anymore.
This only reminds me that my life is nothing like I though it should be right now. I feel alone, that I dont' really fit in anywhere. I don't identify with my married friends, I don't fit in with my single friends. I'm just stuck in the middle, stuck just watching the years pass by. Without a promise. Without a purpose. Without direction.
Over two years ago, I changed my direction. But I've been lost ever since, I've been treading water trying to stay afloat but I'm lost and I'm alone. I know, no matter how hard it is, I know I'm better off now. But, I know that life isn't always butterlies, rainbows and puppy dogs; but I used to think that maybe someday I'd get my happy ending just like everyone else. But,not everybody gets a happy ending.
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